Inner support refers to your internal energy resources, confidence, self-esteem, and the ability to analyze situations. It’s what gives you the strength to get back up after a setback and keep going.
When a person lacks inner support, any negative event in their personal life or the world around them can throw them off balance. They struggle to manage their emotions. That’s why developing self-confidence is so important.
External and Internal Support
Support is essential for maintaining a stable position in life, just like our skeleton and spine support our body. These supports begin forming in childhood. Much like the skeletal system, our inner support grows as we absorb the behaviors of our parents, fictional heroes, and idols.
Children who are excessively pampered often grow up relying on others, with poorly developed internal support. On the other hand, children deprived of warmth and care may grow up distrustful and withdrawn, relying solely on themselves. Understanding how inner support forms is crucial, as balance is key to healthy development.
How to Assess the Strength of Your Inner Support
Imagine this: your boss yells at you, and you feel deeply upset. What do you do next? Do you process your emotions on your own, or do you immediately call someone, like your mom, a friend, or your partner?
If you chose the first option, your inner support is likely strong and you can face challenges independently.
If you chose the second, you rely more on external support, which suggests a more immature coping strategy, often rooted in childhood patterns.
This example illustrates two kinds of support: external and internal. Both serve the same purpose, providing stability and strength.
Examples of External Support
- People — Family, spouses, parents, siblings, close relatives, friends, and protectors are all sources of external support. It’s wonderful to have a reliable “safety net.” But sometimes, even the strongest external support system may fail or be unavailable. What happens then?
- Financial resources, housing, and belongings all contribute to a person’s sense of security and tranquilly. Yet, financial stability is vulnerable to many factors outside our control.
- Work and self-realization — When someone finds joy and purpose in their professional life, they gain both material rewards and a sense of significance. Same works with hobbies, like betting or knitting. This is also a valuable support, but like all others, it can disappear. You have a job one day, and then you don’t.
Examples of Internal Support
- Spiritual faith — Faith in higher powers functions like an internal backbone. It provides wholeness and strength, even in unbearable circumstances, and keeps us from collapsing under pressure.
- Self-confidence — This develops throughout life through accumulated experience. Achieving goals and realizing dreams fosters belief in one’s capabilities. Confidence also leads to a deeper understanding of personal boundaries and is a major source of inner resilience.
- Core values — These are formed in childhood and guide us throughout life. Without them, it’s easy to lose direction. Values like dignity, self-respect, honor, and conscience serve as unshakable internal anchors.
The Components of Inner Support
- Life priorities — These are guiding principles. They define what we stand for, what we dream about, and what we strive for. Values shape our worldview and may evolve over time.
- Self-awareness and understanding — Knowing who we are, what we like or dislike, our strengths and weaknesses — all help us assess situations more realistically and manage stress more effectively.
- Boundaries — Defining what we’ll never tolerate and where our limits lie protects our sense of self. It shields us from compromising our integrity.
- Inner resources – Understanding what energizes and nourishes us helps us stay balanced and handle adversity without harming our mental health.
- Emotional insight – The ability to distinguish between your true emotions and those imposed from outside helps avoid unnecessary conflict. Recognizing triggers for guilt or anger can diffuse many negative patterns.
- Vital energy – Often influenced by nature, health, and lifestyle. Though we can’t always control these factors, they remain crucial components of our internal strength.
Ways to Build Inner Support
In Vulnerable Moments, Activate Your Inner Caregiver
We often wish for a kind wizard to take away our fears and pain. It’s a blessing to have someone to lean on, but sometimes even your closest person might need support or may not be there.
As adults, we can’t always rely on others like we did as children. Now, we must become that kind inner voice for ourselves. This is what inner support truly means.
Ask yourself: How can I take care of myself right now? Find specific ways to comfort and support yourself.
When Something Bad Happens, Show Yourself Compassion
Life throws curveballs. In tough times, find comfort in practices that help you embrace your pain, just as you would console a close friend.
Think about what’s bothering you. Observe your thoughts and feelings. Then, gently speak to yourself with kindness and understanding. If you don’t know what to say, try:
“This really hurts. Be kind to yourself.”
Pause and notice how you feel. Breathe deeply. Repeat the phrase, then reflect on the emotional shift.
If You Feel Unsure, Pause and Observe
When things aren’t working out and you’re unsure how to proceed, stop. Don’t let strong emotions drive your actions — you might make mistakes.
Often, indecision signals that you’re lacking vital information. You may also need more time to gain emotional clarity. That’s okay.
Ultimately, You Are Responsible for Your Life
You may not control what happens to you, but you do control how you respond.
Some people lose their job and spiral into depression. Others learn a new skill and find even greater success. The difference lies in mindset and choice.
Choose one area of your life: career, relationships, health, or appearance. Pick one specific aspect (e.g., why you haven’t gotten a promotion). Ask yourself:
- What actions have I taken?
- What role have I played in creating this situation?
- What changes in behavior are needed to get a different outcome?
